23 de abril de 2003

Etiqueta electrónica

Por Martín Bonfil Olivera
(Publicado en Humanidades,
periódico de la Coordinación de Humanidades de la UNAM,
el 23 de abril de 2003)


Todo mundo habla de que los adelantos de la ciencia y la tecnología hacen más fácil, segura y agradable nuestra vida. Es un hecho que sin avances como antibióticos, aviones, teléfonos, telas sintéticas, computadoras, automóviles, pañales desechables e infinidad de otros artefactos y productos que usamos diariamente, la vida podría ser, efectivamente, muy difícil.

Lo que nunca se dice son las muchas y sutiles formas en que estos avances logran también, paradójicamente, complicar nuestra existencia y llenar el camino diario de infinidad de piedritas que convierten hasta la actividad más sencilla en una verdadera monserga.

Un ejemplo son esos conmutadores telefónicos computarizados a los que uno se enfrenta, por ejemplo, cuando llama al banco. Para empezar, suponen que uno tiene un teléfono de teclas (tonos). Si se tiene la mala fortuna de mi amiga Estrella, editora de la revista ¿Cómo ves?, quien en cuatro años no ha logrado que cambien el anticuado teléfono de disco de su oficina por un modelo más moderno, la cosa está perdida. La computadora también da por hecho que uno es capaz de memorizar una larga lista de opciones numéricas (“si quiere reportar un robo, marque uno; si no quiere reportar un robo, marque dos; si no sabe lo que quiere, marque tres”). La opción que se necesita siempre está enterrada al fondo del “menú”. Uno se pregunta, ¿por qué abandonar el viejo sistema de operadoras humanas? (No me responda, querido lector; la pregunta es retórica.)

Otro ejemplo detestable son esas alarmas electrónicas de los coches, que cuando uno se acerca demasiado le espetan un agresivo “¡aléjese!”. ¡Uf!

Otro más: nada hay más desesperante que estar junto a uno de esos tipos que creen que la principal utilidad de su teléfono celular es: a) que todos nos demos cuenta de la horrible musiquita que escogió como timbre, y b) que nos enteremos también de todos los detalles de una conversación que debería ser personal (la última moda son unos teléfonos con bocinita que hacen que los usuarios se sientan como si fueran policías hablando por su radio, lo cual tiene un efecto francamente ridículo).

Por todo ello me atrevo a presentar aquí a consideración de usted algunas sugerencias de etiqueta electrónica que, estoy seguro, ayudarán a hacer más fácil la convivencia en esta era dominada por los microprocesadores.

Teléfono fijo

El uso del teléfono tiene ya un siglo, y sin embargo los modales al respecto siguen teniendo algo de cavernario. Fui consciente de ello recientemente, cuando mi amigo Javier ironizó acerca de lo poco adecuado que resultaba que él, que se había tomado la molestia de subir tres pisos hasta mi oficina para hablar conmigo, tuviera que interrumpir su charla para esperar a que otra persona que me llamó en ese momento por teléfono acabara de decirme lo que quería. De modo que la primera regla para el uso del teléfono sería: Nunca interrumpa una conversación en persona por atender una llamada. En todo caso, lo indicado es informarle al que llama que uno está ocupado y pedirle que llame en un rato.

Teléfono celular

Como ya habrá usted notado, pienso que el abuso de los “móviles” es una de las principales calamidades que no s ha legado la tecnología moderna. Y abuso es prácticamente el 99% del uso que se les da: avisarle a la esposa que “ya va uno llegando a la casa”, traerlo prendido en clase “por si a alguien se le ocurre llamar”, usarlo a voz en cuello en cines o restaurantes, destruyendo la paz de los demás e imponiéndoles una conversación que las más de las veces suena como las del anuncio ese de “hay llamadas que no se deberían cobrar” (¡hay llamadas que no se deberían hacer!)

De modo que los modales mínimos para uso del celular serían los siguientes: si está en un lugar en donde resulta a todas luces inadecuado recibir llamadas -una misa, una junta de trabajo, una conferencia (sobre todo si es usted el conferencista, aunque he presenciado casos en que un asistente, en el momento de hacerle una pregunta al expositor, recibe una llamada y ¡prefiere contestarla!-, apague su celular. Si es usted incapaz de apagarlo, debido a un caso avanzado de adicción, por favor acuda cuanto antes a un psicólogo, pero mientras tanto tenga al menos el decoro de apagar el timbre y usar el vibrador. Si está usted en un restorán, donde la gente normalmente intenta pasar un buen rato y no escuchar los gritos del “celulítico” de la mesa de junto, y recibe una llamada, salga del local. Esto tiene la ventaja de mejorar la recepción del aparatejo, que siempre tiende a ser pésima, y la desventaja de que deja uno a los amigos con la palabra en la boca, lo cual siempre es grosero. Lo mismo se aplica si va uno de visita a casa de algún amigo. Ver uso del teléfono alámbrico.

Una regla adicional, que por alguna razón relacionada con el subdesarrollo todavía no ha sido convertida en ley, es la prohibición terminante de utilizar el celular mientras se maneja. Está comprobado que atender una llamada reduce el tiempo de respuesta de un conductor en forma significativa (tan significativa como para chocar, en muchos casos). Usar el celular mientras maneja es signo seguro de barbarie. Al menos, asegúrese de utilizar un equipo de manos libres.

Correo electrónico

El uso del e-mail se ha popularizado a extremos escalofriantes. Aunque la etiqueta a este respecto es conocida, no está de más recordar algunas reglas vitales:

Al responder un mensaje, procure “citar” las palabras de su corresponsal, copiándolas de su mensaje original. La mayoría de los programas facilitan esto poniendo copia del texto cuando lo responde. No hay nada más desconcertante que recibir un mensaje como los que suele mandar Sergio, otro amigo, que sólo dicen “órale, ya vas” (imaginar a un servidor rascándose la cabeza tratando de recordar de qué se trata el asunto).

Asegúrese también de revisar siempre que el destinatario del correo sea el correcto. Los modernos programas “facilitan” la vida insertando automáticamente la dirección de la persona a la que creen que uno le quiere escribir, con el resultado de que a veces la carta de encendida pasión que uno quería enviar a Consuelo le llega al Consejo directivo. Los resultados pueden ser desastrosos, sobre todo si Consuelo es la esposa de uno de los miembros de dicho consejo. He visto matrimonios y amistades terminar por errores de este tipo. Una variante es cuando uno se balconea al responder a todos los miembros de una lista de correos, en vez de hacerlo sólo a la persona que envió el último mensaje.

Finalmente, no, no, no envíe cadenas, sean del amuleto de la suerte, del niño que necesita transplante de riñón o de la niña que fue secuestrada. Son todas falsas y sólo sirven para saturar el buzón de sus amigos. Lo mismo es cierto respecto a la mayoría de los avisos sobre virus. Mejor consígase un buen antivirus que se actualice automáticamente por internet (algunos son gratis).

Tampoco es buena idea enviar mensajes que contienen anexos (attachments) gigantescos, aunque se trate de las últimas fotos del chilpayate recién nacido.

Las computadoras portátiles (laptops) y de bolsillo (Palm) tienen también sus complicaciones (escribir en la Palm mientras se cruza una calle, por ejemplo, es suicida), pero el espacio no da para abordarlas. Le recomiendo, querido lector, que use su sentido común y piense un poco en el respeto que le debe a sus vecinos. De otro modo, habrá que copiar la idea de algunos restoranes estadounidenses, que cuentan ya con “zonas libres de celulares”. La idea me parece maravillosa.


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A mí que me manden todos los mails que quieran, el problema es cuando vienen con virus. No puede ser que llegamos a un extremo donde nos da miedo abrir el mail de nuestras mamás porque alguien puede haberse metido en su correo o peor, en su compu, y haber mandado cientos de correos con virus. Yo para no sentirme más con esa paranoia, decidí descargar un antivirus gratis y abrir todos los correos electrónicos que tenga ganas. Me parece lo mejor, no?

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